Do asexuals have sexual desires?

I know I do. Some porn will turn me on. But I have absolutely no interest in caressing a mans body. As for a woman, there are parts I do enjoy touching but im not interested in going any further; very frustrating to those who do not understand.

Asexual best friend

I have a best friend who is a male. He would be a great partner but he is agoraphobic. He is anxious in unfamiliar surroundings, wide open placed and crowded places. This doesn't leave much. We could hang out at my place but there's only so much to do.

I'd really like to meet someone who shares my interests.

Do asexuals have relationships?

It's efinitely difficult to find a partner when you have little or no interest in sex. It seems all relationships are based on sex and for me, this has cost me many a relationship. Where I  am happy to go biking, hiking, or whatever with someone, when I don't want sex, the relationship either fizzles out or they move on.

My best relationship was with a female. We had the most fun together. We did everything together. Then she told me she was gay. I tried to be gay. I tried to be with her in that way, but it just didn't work for me.  It's really around this time that I first realized it may not have been that I wasn't gay, it was more an eye opener that I just really rather not have sex with anyone. That was in 1994!

Asexuality

It's been a really long time since I've blogged. Today I want to talk about Asexuality. I came to a realization quite some time ago that I was asexual. At the time, I had not personally heard anyone else use that label. Lately, however, I have read some articles and learned there are other people who are asexual.

So where are you? I've found a handful of people in Facebook and Meetups over 100 miles from me. And I'm not really sure what or how asexuals have relationships. I have had both sexual and nonsexual relationships. I do get horny and am fine at taking care of mysf but would rather have some other hands doing it.

Does the choice "asexual" appear on the dating sites? I have tried to find platonic friends but have not at all been successful.

I welcome everyone's thoughts or comments

Taxes -- a 'have to' for me!

Well, yes, I do have another 'have-to' that I forgot about.  I have to pay my taxes; but then I really don't mind because, well, my taxes help pay for the roads I drive on; they help pay for the library I use; some of the golf courses; most all our parks and recreation areas; our world class kayak river run; my pension; my dad's pension; and my children's salaries.  They also help the poor people in my neighborhood; the old people who cannot work anymore; and they help provide meals for the kids whose parents don't have the money to feed them.  Oh and then there is the police and fire departments which I really appreciate and actually needed a couple of times this year. 

Health care too -- I am soon to be on Medicare.  My friends are all on Medicare and receiving pretty decent coverage -- they even think the government is doing a good job running it. 

That leaves national defense.  Although, I think we are fighting an intelligence war with brute force and need to change the way we think about national defense; I believe my tax dollars have to help with that too.  So, there you have it -- a 'have to' no one really likes; yet I think I use enough of the services that I am happy to pay my share which is close to 14% of my income. 

Can you just enjoy what you are doing now -- or do you have a have to?

When I go out, whether it be for a hike, walk, social hour, dinner, drinks, dancing, I am rarely the first to go home.  At parties, I am often the last to leave, even if I was the first to arrive.  On a hike, I may walk faster then some, but I still want to stop and take pictures or for a bite to eat.  If we are walking a constant 5 miles, I will walk steady, but always want a social hour afterwards.

So many times, people cannot socialize because they 'have-to" do something or another.  Some don't show up at all; some show up, but then 'have-to' go.  I, on the other hand, rarely 'have-to' go.  I don't want to rush -- so unless it is truly one of my few 'have-tos', I have enough time to enjoy what I am doing right now!  I am not in a hurry to do something else. 

So why do people have so many have-tos?  Are they self-imposed?  They have to be.  I don't think you can blame your have-tos on someone else.

Do you have a lot of "have-tos" in your life?

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Why are there so many have tos in your life?

I am always amazed at how many people have to do so many things.  I have had very few have-tos in my life.  I had to work and I had to take care of my kids. Now that I am retired, I do only what I want to do!

I began limiting the number of have-tos in my life when I was in my twenties.  When my children were very young 3 and 5, we spent Saturday mornings cleaning.  Why was I cleaning on Saturday morning?  One reason was that was how I was brought up --every Saturday, we had to clean our rooms, change the beds and do whatever other chores were assigned to us.  The other more valid reason was that I worked all week and Saturday was the only day I had to clean.

So instead of enjoying my children on one of the two days I had with them, I badgered them to clean their rooms while I cleaned the rest of the house. 

One day, I asked myself; why am I doing this?  My answer had nothing to do with me and everything to do with my mom.  I realized I was cleaning my house for my mom, not for me.  I decided, my house did not have to be picture perfect.  I chose to enjoy my children on Saturday mornings instead of cleaning.  For the first time in my life, I felt free to do what I wanted to do on Saturday mornings.  From that point on, the kids and I did fun stuff together.